On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im part way to drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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