rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
