where am i from again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
