the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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