two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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