I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
