How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
