why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
