It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
