it wasn't lemon gatorade
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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