You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
