he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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