i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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