Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
