We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
