Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
