I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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