i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
