you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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