Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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