her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
