told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
