Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
