Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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