its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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