i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
