i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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