Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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