This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
