the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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