Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
