i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
