thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
