i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
