I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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