Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
