Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
