he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
