I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
3 2 1 whiskey
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
