TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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