yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
