I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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