return my video game
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
