well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
