i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
