one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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