Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
