Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
