One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
