So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
