He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
