I think I died a long time ago.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
