How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
