i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
