U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
