So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
