Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
